


Nightmare

by DragonBat19



Series: Allen and Kanda Moments [2]
Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Fluff, Johnny is only mentioned - Freeform, M/M, Spoiler for non-manga readers, spoilers for anime onlys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:15:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25362244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DragonBat19/pseuds/DragonBat19
Summary: Kanda’s bloodstained hands. Allen’s unconscious body in his arms. That smile on the younger boy’s lips, that was there until the very last moment. Three words. The falling Lotus petals. A promise that they both hoped would never had to be kept.
Relationships: Kanda Yuu/Allen Walker
Series: Allen and Kanda Moments [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1835095
Comments: 9
Kudos: 47





	Nightmare

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy!! :D <3
> 
> **content warning for blood (at the beginning)!**

The wind caressed through Allen’s white hair, which shone like the moon. A crimson red pool spread out under the boy’s body and a bit had dyed some strands of his hair in the same color.

Ignoring the pain, those mesmerizing silver eyes focused only on Kanda’s dark blue ones. A hand reached out to the older Exorcist and the fingertips caressed his cheek, like the light touch of a butterfly’s wing. Those beautiful lips had formed into a smile so gentle and fragile that he was afraid to reach out too…let alone try to find back his voice and say something. Tell this angel…tell Allen not to go. To not leave him. To stay with him. By his side. Forever.

“ _I love you…_ ”

Another tear rolled down pale skin. But the smile never vanished…in fact it seemed like it had brightened. A moment after that…those beautiful eyes fell shut, snow-white eyelashes covering them.

The Lotus‘ petals...they...were falling...all of them...one...by one...

~*~

Kanda shot up from his sleeping position. His heart raced like it hadn’t for a long time and it took him a few moments to realize where he was. He was still in the same Hotel, they checked in this evening, still sharing the same double bed with the former Exorcist.

Speaking of…

While he still tried to calm himself his head immediately shot to Allen, who was lying beside him, sleeping soundly, his back facing him.

The Exorcist let out a relieved sigh. Relieved? Kanda would never admit it out loud but…yes…he was relieved. Because he was glad that the dream, that nightmare he just had, _wasn’t_ real. And that his stupid bean sprout was right beside him. Like he should be.

As the dark haired boy stroke some of his strands back – that had fallen into his face – he heard the younger one mumble something.

“…nda?…Kanda?” Allen looked slightly over his shoulder while rubbing his eye. “…are you okay?”

Kanda sighed. “Hm? Yeah, sure. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Mmmh…because you’re awake?…in the middle of the night? And you look like you’ve seen a ghost?” Allen tried to make himself comfortable again but then decided to turn around to face the other Exorcist. “Wha-? Don’t look at me like that! I just asked you…”

“It was nothing.”

“Suuuure.” The white haired boy said with a teasing undertone, not believing him.

_»Oh, if glances could kill...«_ the former Exorcist thought before Kanda replied, voice raised louder than before now “I said it’s nothing!”

“Hey, hey.” Allen still tried to whisper, without his voice cracking, while he raised his hands in defence. “Don’t get mad at me for just worrying about you, BaKanda. Besides…you don’t want to wake up Johnny, do you?” the younger one pointed into his direction.

Before Kanda replied he followed where that finger pointed to. Johnny was quietly snoring in the bed in the corner, opposite from theirs.

Without saying anything further he let a hand cover his face. This made Allen worry even more, so the white haired boy slowly sat up, getting a little closer. “So?”

The hand didn’t leave its place. Instead he buried his face even more into it, completely avoiding Allen’s eyes. “It was just a nightmare…”

“Oh…you ehm…want to talk about it?”

Kanda glanced at Allen out of the corner of his eye. “What the fuck are you trying to do, bean sprout?”

“Ehhh help you? You know…talking about it helps a lot. And the name’s still _Allen_ …”

Did that stupid Samurai just grin?! “You’re the one to talk.”

“Huh?”

“You out of all people _hate_ to talk about stuff that’s about you or bothers you. To talk about feelings…your past…whatever.”

“And so what? It doesn’t mean I don’t listen to someone who wants to!” Allen pouted, arms crossed over his chest. “Besides…I…did tell you…”

Kanda had his legs bent at the knees and let both of his arms rest on them, still not looking Allen in the eyes.

A couple of minutes passed and neither of them said anything. It was so silent. Even Johnny had stopped snoring now.

“…remember what we talked about?” Kanda suddenly broke the silence, which made Allen look up to him. He only nodded. “I dreamt of that…”

The younger boy nearly held his breath. “W-What?”

“You…were laying in my arms…completely covered in blood…and yet…that stupid smile of yours was there till the very end…” the dark haired Exorcist nearly choked on his own words when he said them out loud. With those tensed up shoulders, the way his deep voice was shaking Allen could tell how hard it was for him to say this.

Allen was clueless of what to say or do. He had to fight the urge to wrap Kanda in a hug…so instead he just lay a warm hand on the others shoulder and listened carefully. To his surprise Kanda didn’t flinch or back away. It even felt like he leant into it a bit.

“You were…dying…you died…in my arms…and those fucking lotus petals were all falling…I-“ Kanda’s head fell on his arms. Never would he dare let Allen know what was said in the dream.

The younger boy didn’t say anything at first. He didn’t know what. He knew that Kanda was afraid to see the lotus die one day, because it meant that his life would be over as well…Although he probably wouldn’t be there when it would happen…

Instead Allen simply asked “You think you could still do what we talked about?...even after that nightmare?”

The older boy looked up at the other again. “Are you serious?”

“I am. I have to know if I can still rely on you…to do it…if that time comes…”

“I promised you I would.”

“Even after-?” before Allen could finish his sentence Kanda cut him off.

“Yes! If the 14th takes control over your body completely…no…even before that. If you _are_ _truly_ lost…if _your_ path to walk stops…I _will_ end it. I promised you and I _will_ keep it.”

Hearing these words again made Allen’s heart sting. He was glad that he had this option. He really was. But it also broke his heart that, that outcome _could_ be possible. He didn’t want to die. But if Kanda was the one who would do it…it was okay for him. Because he knew he could rely on him to fulfil it. Because he knew Kanda was the only one able to kill him. Because Allen wanted it.

Allen’s lips formed a sad smile. “Thank you…”

“Stop thanking me for something that might never happen.”

The smile got slightly bigger. “You don’t know that, Kanda.”

“Oh I do. Because you’re way too stubborn for your own good.”

This caught the white haired boy off guard so he laughed quietly. “Haha~ I take that as a compliment.”

“Wasn’t one.”

Allen grinned now and poked Kanda slightly in the rips with his elbow. If he saw that correctly and his eyes weren’t playing any games with him right now, then he saw the faintest, gentlest smile on Kanda’s face. Just the thought of it made Allen’s cheeks heat up and he could swear his heart just skipped a beat.

The older Exorcist would do anything to fulfil his promise. Because he knew that Allen wanted it that way if there was no other option. But…would he really be capable of doing it? Would Kanda be able to stab Allen again? And this time with a killing blow? Really ending his life with his own hands?

He already felt miserable because he had stabbed the younger one a few months ago, when all of that with the Noah’s, the Earl and Alma happened. He had already killed someone he had deep feelings for…could he really do it again?

Kanda decided that it wasn’t the time to think about it yet. Maybe that time will come…or maybe it won’t. What he will then decide wasn’t important _now_ …it would be important in that moment…

**Author's Note:**

> Like my previous fic “ [Trust](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25338604) ” (which is also in this series (and slightly connected to this one), just click on the word or below on “Previous Work” to read it :D): I’d really like to see more little, intimate moments between them in the manga.
> 
> Anyways I really hope you enjoyed this fic!!! Feedback, kudos and comments are very much appreciated!! <3
> 
> Also come follow and get to know about/follow updates of my projects on my [twitter](https://twitter.com/DragonBat19) (<\- I’m way more active there).  
> But I also have [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/dragonbat19/) and [facebook](https://www.facebook.com/DragonBat19/) .
> 
> If you like what you read please consider supporting me by buying me a coffee on [kofi](https://ko-fi.com/dragonbat19) !! I’d really appreciate it <3


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